Drunken Interviews: Alee J
[intense_dropcap]I[/intense_dropcap]f you are here it’s a high probability that you have read my first encounter with our new community hostess Alee J; The Reigning Queen of Drunk At The Bar. If not, click here. It’s obvious that if you somehow haven’t you’re too damn drunk to know what you are missing. So stop! Backtrack, and get your swerve on while indulging in a drink or two!
Drunk At The Bar is our drunken community. It’s where we have virtual parties, connect live, act a fool, live life, and share our most terrible, or funniest moments in life while downing a drink or two. So come join us at The Urb, with Alee J. Post a few pics in our community, share a hot shot of yourself, or simply leave a comment or post your current drinking status. Drink up America. It’s on and Poppin like a bucket of popcorn up in this biaatch!
We Did a Little More than just Spilling the Beans!!!
In fact We Drank The Whole Damn Bottle
iUrban.org: Where are you from?
Alee Johnson: I’m originally from Newark, NJ AKA Brick City, in the New Jeruse. But now I reside between Easton, and Bethlehem, PA. We call the area around here ABE (Allentown, Bethlehem, and Easton).
If we were to come to your city and visit you at the bar who would you first introduce us to? Would it be a strange guy named Yuengling, Polygamy Porter, Old Leghumper, Dirty Dicks Ale, or some lush chicks named Bodonk-A-Dunkel, Margarita, and their friend Hop Whore? (Yes, these are actual beer names excluding Marg.)
Probably not. You more than likely would end up with fleas. Look, hanging with someone named Old Leghumper sounds like this guy is uncontrollable. By the end of the night he’d have you hugging and humping telephone poles. Polygamy Porter, he will have you’re a$$ out in the cold because most women I know are not putting up with that cheatin ish. I shouldn’t even have to say anything about Hop Whore. Hell, she’s in everyone’s pants and ain’t no telling what you may be bringing home with you by the night’s end. Yuengling will get you slapped in the face because his name sounds like he waving something he shouldn’t be all over the place. Dirty Dicks Ale, sounds like a group of men who either don’t wash on a regular basis or are carrying every STD known to mankind. Keep away! And Bodonk-A-Dunkel won’t give you a chance because every guy in the bar will be up her a$$ talking that, “Baby I got you” mess. You would be better off sticking with me and my favorite bitch Henny from around the way. She’s straight up and never gay. And finally, when it comes to old Marg, it’s best that you stay away from her as well because she will have you speaking Spanish in no time. However, some of the language used may not be appropriate for this interview. Catch my drift.
What’s your drinking name or the moniker that you are known by at your local well?
My drinking name is Trouble. Because, when people drink with me they usually get floored. But that’s in a good way, though. As soon I walk in the bar I order a double, then a triple, and another double down which will leave most of my fellow patrons on the floor. My liver knows I’m trouble too. But I do have a fix for that.
Where is your number one waterhole located, and what is the name of your yellow piss maker? Is it formal, or casual?
My #1 waterhole is in Easton PA, we call it the L for short. It’s a semi-private bar. A membership only kind of place. But I do frequent other bars such as Rivals, Eddie G’s (Before the Murder), Drinky’s, and Mothers within the Easton downtown circle. My favorite piss maker is Hennessey which I can’t get enough of, and yes the places I frequent are mostly casual.
Is there such thing as drinking edicate? We mean, like, do you excuse the bottle or does the bottle excuse you?
Ha-ha! Are you serious? In the bars, I frequent there’s no drinking edicate. What’s that! Pssh! Please, when it comes to the swizzle I excuse the bottle. It’s never that! I’ll always wait till the bottle excuses me.
Why are you the chick everybody loves at the bar?
I’m the chick that everybody loves at the bar because I’m the life of the party. I come to the bar to drink and have fun. I give out lots of hugs and plenty of love but I do it respectfully. I also act out a lot and the people who know me know that it’s done in good taste. And to those who don’t it’s drinks up and a$$es down. Like in sit that jealous a$$ down and get a life cause we are here to have a good time. Leave the fights for the kids.
What’s so fun about drinking with Sour Ale if he’s sour all the time?
There’s never any fun in Sour Ale. As a matter of fact, who’s that? I never see him during Happy Hour. I betcha he’s sour as all hell sitting at home with the haters, and bitter folks. Hey, but they are more than welcome to hang here with us. My biaaatch Henny here is sure to lighten their moods.
Do you believe that guns and booze go together hand in hand? And do you classify those who hunt Grey Goose as being legitimate hunters?
Ha! I believe that guns and booze together in the same environment are never a good idea. But however, I do believe that those who hunt Grey Goose are legitimate hunters. They are also humanitarians who at the same time preserve the life of innocent Canadian geese everywhere by not killing them. So yes, I think they have the best of both words as being known as hunters who preserve wildlife by stalking and hunting the bottle instead. And even an idiot knows that hunting with a Colt 45 for Grey Goose is a lot safer than hunting in the wild with old Dick Cheney any day. So take that rifle hunting association.
Do you classify those who serve shots at the bar as being real shooters or gunslingers?
I personally classify as being ones who serve us as gunslingers because they are the ones responsible for keeping us loaded with drinks. I say that we are the shooters because we take shots straight to the head. And if you listen beyond the music you can hear our glasses getting cocked. Click-Clank is all you hear as those glasses are being lifted and slammed back on the bar countertop like those old hammers spitting fire in the old Wild West days.
Do you believe that Bud is actually Weiser than all other beers such as Blithering Idiot? (And yes, this is actually a beer name we checked.)
Of course, Bud is the wisest of all beers! That’s why it’s earned the title King of Beers. And Blithering Idiot is a great name too. I believe the maker of this beer had the dryers in mind when they came up with this name. Anyone who supports abstinence from alcohol just because he/she can’t handle it shouldn’t try, and mandate what others can, or should consume. These modern day prohibitionists are certainly blithering idiots.
Finish this sentence, In my town I’m known as the badass chick that doesn’t…
In my town, I’m known as the badass chick that doesn’t give 2 flying fucks about the nonsense. I’m a ride or die chick that loves to have fun. I tell the women who feel that I’m a little too flirtatious to don’t hate just masturbate it will make them feel better in the end. I’m like if I didn’t come here with your man I’m not leaving with him. Again I say, Drinks Up A$$es down!
How do you deal with embarrassing drinking moments? Do you just deny them and say, “Who’s that bitch!” Or, “Oh, that’s just my twin Tequila Sunrise showing out. and getting her shine on.”
I just accept my mistakes and keep it moving like an 18 wheeler cause it takes more than a few idiotic mistakes to stop this express trip of fun. Hell, without mistakes one can never learn otherwise.
What do you mean by otherwise?
Bartender give me another drink, or otherwise, I will be a pain in the ass all night. LOL!
Have you ever had intimate relations with either Captain Jack or Captain Morgan, and ended up having Sex On The Beach?
Well, absolutely! At least once or twice! I mean who wouldn’t want to have a good time with the Captains? At least if I put my legs up for Captain Morgan like they do in those commercials and I won’t come home pregnant. Hey, and as they always say, Jack has always had my back. LOL!
What’s the worse drinking moment that you’ve ever had in your life?
I once had a WTF moment while partying at a girlfriend’s house. The bad thing was that I woke up in her bathtub not knowing where the hell I was. The great thing was I had a great time, and I still had all my clothes on.
Would you like to share a photo or video with us?
Sure why not! I have some pretty scary ones, though. LOL! But that’s the great thing about alcohol it makes you not give 2 flying f**ks about anything! Ha!
Do you bar brawl, or do you avoid them by saying, “Excuse me but Johnny Walker is waiting for me outside would you care to join us?”
No, it’s like a previously stated. I don’t brawl, that’s just not my style. I’d much rather take my Red Bull and Henny. Grow me some wings then fly out that muthaf**ka.
Have you ever met a drink and a drinker you didn’t like? And if so, how did you handle each one if you don’t like them?
All the time. Most drinks I don’t like I usually throw them up. Such as one time someone bet me a hundred dollars that I couldn’t finish a drink called the Smokers Shot (A combination of Jägermeister and Mayonnaise). I took the challenge and won! But after 5 minutes or so I repaid the guy by returning the drink on his lap. I then said, “Sorry, my bad. By the way, I’ll pay you 200 dollars if you eat that!” We all laughed about it though.
And, as far as drinkers who I don’t like are those who mess up a good thing by fighting all the time or trying to be disrespectful by making unwanted advances. I’m like no means no. If you’re feeling a buzz doesn’t mean I won’t swat you’re a$$. Get away or I will have you removed period! Being the life of the party does have its advantages. But don’t get me wrong, disrespect me and I will cuss you out and keep it pushing. Meaning you will end up being pushed out the door.
Have you ever had a Wino’s Point of View moment where you were pissy drunk and spoke a language that only Jose Cuervo could understand?
Hell to the yeah! There was a time I went to this Spanish bar in Newark with me, and my girls and a couple of Spanish guys walked up to me while me, and Jose were having our moment together. One of the guys said something like ‘Hey Madre, or Mommie’ or something like that. Jose told me otherwise, because I asked him, “WTF did you just say about my mother?” Well, needless to say picking up Jose I swung at the guy’s head and fortunately, I missed. My friends grabbed me, and the guy who was kind of cute but didn’t speak English very well apologized profusely saying, “Lo siento!” But after I calmed down a bit. I went back and apologized to him…LOL!
Are you politically correct? We mean do you think it was a White Russian who ended the Cold War?
Yeah, I’m politically correct. Especially, my opinion about lame ass politicians who are Blithering Idiots for trying to f**k up me and my fellow drinkers’ good spirited moments with their idiotic views. And to answer your second question, concerning the war… No! I don’t think it was the White Russians by themselves that ended the Cold War. There was more likely a bunch of Black Russians involved as well. I believe both were being handed out at their local bars that ended the cold war. Just look at both Gorbachev and Putin they always look drunk.
What would you like to say to all your fellow drinkers across America?
To all my fellow drinkers across America TURN DOWN FOR WHAT! GET FUCKED UP!!!!
Oh, Alee! I almost forgot to tell you…
Tell me what?